An update, of sorts

I wish I had some great news to share, but I don't. We did meet with our agency this week and learned of some new regulations that China has implemented. So, as not to bore you with details, we had to make the decision to close our adoption, or transfer to another agency, and we chose to change agencies. It's not really that big of a deal, accept that we LOVE our agency. We chose them because they were small and they take care of every aspect of the adoption. They basically call us and tell us when things need to be updated, they send us the paperwork to sign and we just do what we are told. We completely trust them. We will still use the same social worker, but as far as all the other paperwork and the actual trip (whenever it happens), that will all change. So, that's the update, sorry it is not more exciting.

The grim part of this whole process has been the ever growing wait. The news does not seem to be getting any better. Just to put it in perspective, if the referrals continue to come at the rate that they are right now we will get our referral in January 2016. Yes, you read that right, 2016! It is hard to be excited about something like that. Now, things could speed up, but they could also slow down, but it seems hard to believe that it could be slower. There is no apparent reason for the slow down, China is a communist country, they do not have to explain anything to anyone.

With the way that paperwork and government fees go we are in the process of updating our immigration papers (the papers that allow us to adopt a foreign child), we have to keep these current, and they expire every 18 months. Again, kinda boring, but they will be renewed in December and then will be good for 18 months, we will get a free renewal at that time (kinda weird, but you only pay for every other one) and then they are good for another 18 months. Essentially, once we do this update we know we are in for another three years. At that point, the end of 2012, we will need to decide if we are ready to do it all again. Our options are to drop out of the China adoption program altogether and count our losses (both monetary and emotional), or we can switch to the special needs program, or we can just wait it out. We have no way of knowing what we will do.

So we wait, just like we have been doing. We still believe we are doing what the Lord has called us to do, which is adopt a little girl from China. We had no idea that we would be waiting this long for her, and as hard as it is to wait, we are still confident that we are doing what is best for our family. We praise the Lord for giving us a daughter to love while we wait, and can't wait to see if He has any other children who will join our family! :)

2 years and counting...

It is hard to believe that we have officially been waiting for our little girl for 2 years.  When we started this journey we didn't really think we would be waiting this long, but it only took a few months of the wait times increasing rapidly, that we realized we were in this for much longer than we anticipated.  

So, how much longer, you might be wondering?  That is a great question.  When my sister recently asked me that same question she answered it for me before I had a chance, she said, "Two years from today?"  To that I responded, "Yup.  And 2 years from tomorrow and the day after that."  I spoke to our adoption agency not long ago and there are rumors of a speed up.  To that Kevin said, "A speed up from a dead stop still isn't very fast."  Now that may be a little sarcastic, but truthfully any news of a speed up is good news for us.  We have no idea how long it will be before we get to see her sweet face.  However, our desire for her is still the same, we can hardly wait.  Our love for her grows each day, and that is what I would like to talk about in the rest of this post.

God has blessed us in ways we never would have imagined in the past two years during our wait.  The most recent blessing was the birth of our sweet Macey.  Being a mom has completely changed everything, everyone always said it would, but until it happens you just cannot understand it.  We love her like we never imagined we could love anyone, it's more than love, it something that cannot be described.

I have many friends who have recently added a second child to their families.  Many of them worry how they can possibly have enough love for two children, always knowing that they will love their children equally, but the though of it is hard to wrap their mind around.  As soon as the second child arrives it is amazing how they instantly love their child, just like when their first child arrived.  Love just grows, no matter how many children you have there is always enough love to go around.

The reason I say all of this is so I can explain a little bit of where we are in terms of anticipating our baby girl.  You see, we loved her from the moment we knew she would be here.  Just like a pregnant mother loves her child the instant she knows she is pregnant, our love began to grow when we began the adoption process.  Most likely our little girl has not been born, but we love her as much as we possibly can given our circumstances.  So, Macey (although she is our oldest child) was the second child that we loved.  

When we found out that we were going to have a baby there was a strange part of me that felt like things were going out of order.  I had always imagined that my oldest child would be a little girl from China.  God had other plans, and since His plans are always perfect we were truly delighted.  We spent 9 months wondering if our oldest child was going to be a boy or a girl, and were so excited when it was a girl.  One of my first thoughts was, "Our baby girl from China has a sister!"

I wondered if by having a baby I would think less about the adoption and the long wait.  We are busy with all the challenges that a baby brings and really, all we are doing as far as the adoption goes is waiting.  But what I have found is the exact opposite, I find myself thinking of her so much more.  When Macey does something cute or funny, I think to myself "I wonder if our other daughter will do that?"  I wonder if our other daughter will be like Macey in personality, or will they be totally different.  I hope and pray that they will be friends, and thankful to God every day that my girls will have a sister!  You see, now I know what it means to love my child.  I always thought I knew, and I believe I loved to my ability at the time, but now I really know.  So my heart aches for her, in a much different way than before.

I wanted to find a "cute item of the month" that was very appropriate for this 2 year anniversary of waiting.  I didn't really know what that would be, until I was at Target.  I came across a onesie and knew that this was it.

Sticking with the panda theme this was perfect!  It says Mommy Loves Me.  I almost started crying in Target when I saw it, because the word love, especially in terms of my child, means so much more now than it ever did.  So yes, mommy loves her and can't wait for her to meet her dad and her big sister!